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I love being on the fifth floor when someone pukes on the fourth and "In the barrel" and the graphics light tables and Mrs. Johnson the lunch lady and going to daytimes even when they're boring as heck and lunch being the hardest class of the day and "no blood in the pool" and "Kiwi Kiwi" and cafeteria curly fries and Zappa's candy quizzes and teachers who call 89.45 an A.

And intramural hype and seeing ninth graders who I am actually bigger than and teachers who extend due dates and checking channel 7 in the morning even when it is 50 degrees and wearing pajamas to finals and teachers who forget to check an assignment you didn't do and hearing kids talk about DiNardo when you have Frisch.

And seeing kids who screw up when they dye their hair and Agster's shorts and Shrager's dreads and bumping into teachers at the mall and gym selections and the smoke-free bathroom on the second floor and the students who walk a mile to get there and the hallway of wall murals and getting 2A forms signed at the last minute.

And Mr. Morehead and Chupa Chups and "have an aren't-you-glad-it's-Friday kind of day" and the phone call that comes at 10:30 when you stay home and pondering Ober's middle name and group work and "cornucopia" and Mrs. Luchin's "net games" and the last few pathetic elements of the periodic table.

And having a homeroom that refuses to decorate their door before Halloween and not seeing girls hug between every period like they did in eighth grade and the kids who pass out candy canes the day prior to Christmas Eve and "scou pah chah" and teachers who are in my mom's 1969 yearbook.

And classes that rely on the Internet as an educational source and students on channel 19 and walking twelve flights of stairs every morning and "K-I-L-L-U-S-C" and the fifth floor water fountain with the devil behind it and irregular hall passes and morning announcement songs that stick in your head and the 50 yard dash to class as the late bell sounds.

And the tragedy of being 200 on the parking pass waiting list and "take off that necklace, son, before it is removed for you" and AO candy and those two afternoons of basketball in March and textbooks with a history of their own and standardized tests that mean nothing and those waste-of-time Center Court events and Bleumling at the line and 31 minute periods and 31 second cafeteria lines.

And the intensity of Penny Wars and walking into your hardest class and seeing a substitute and the Mechanical Universe and Joe's Heart and Heime Escelante and the famous waffle breakfast excuse for tardiness and Mrs. Joseph in the health office and breathing a sigh of relief as you turn in a big paper and the angel who's had shotun with Mr. DeHaas for the past 30 years.

Devil's Advocate
February 18, 2000.